That Gun is Loaded

I feel like I start each post the exact same way. "Sorry readers I guess life just got really busy and I lost track of myself." Or some variation of it. This time though I can't make that excuse because I have had plenty of time and several things I could have given my opinion on, but I just didn't.

I know,  I know... I'm not as funny as I think I am...  Who else is supposed to entertain the masses?

I find its just a little harder to find things that drive me up the wall or that I find odd in human nature during the summer when all I do is work. Work myself to the point of insanity. But hey,  I survived with very little permanent mental damage. Now that I'm back at school and constantly surrounded by the idiocy of students and the constant need for one to be the center of attention, I have plenty to write about.

For instance, whilst participating in one of my favorite sports activities in the vast hallways that are Utah Valley University (people watching) I stumbled upon a young woman surrounded by the a group of horny adoring men. She had them captivated, all clearly eager to see who could ask her out first  excited for the ending of the story. As she spun this grandeous tale keeping them hooked on every word, another rather attractive girl bounced up to the group tearing the attention away from the young blonde. Her pretty little brow crumpled into a tangle of rage as she fought to redirect the attention again.

The faux redhead kept the attention of the godlike baseball player (who had the blonde sitting in his lap ) fixed completely on her as they laughed and caught up with each other. It was not long after she must have asked him what he was doing later (from my muffled vantage point across the hall I could only catch bits and pieces of conversation) when the blonde did something that shocked  almost made me laugh out loud.

She took him by the face and crashed her rouged lips against his. Jealousy seeped off of each person in the gaggle on the couch, and what felt like demonic rage pulsated from the faux redhead. The godlike baseball player,  clearly confused, sat stiff as a board whole the blonde tried to loosen him up.

My sides were splitting as I tried to contain my laughter.  I felt sorry for the faux redhead as she lost the battle to the twiggy blonde. I know how that goes and the blondes always win. They go through "twiggy blonde life ruining"  courses. Its a sad cycle.

I mean who feels like the only way to regain attention is planting a kiss on the only person who isn't paying attention to you? Clearly, she does.

It was laughable, but I don't think anything will be able to top that incident in my people watching activities for a while. I give it an eight out of ten..

And there you have it folks. A post for you entertainer.

What do you want me to keep my eyes out for? Let me know in a comment



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There are Three Kinds of People.

Hooo boy it's been quite some time since I've written and I apologize for that. I really have no excuse, I've had plenty of time to write, in fact, there have been times where I've thought about it, and just never wrote anything. Maybe it's just the fact that all I have to write about are the woes and complaints in my life. While those make for great stories, I don't want to burden my readers with those all the time.

So in the mighty world that is Apple, they have this app for meeting new people, it's called Tinder. And it's only for Apple users. Of course (they need to make everything first) there's now an app for us non-Apple users and guess who decided to give it a try? This girl. And I noticed something. There are three types of people that you find on these sites. The Creeps, the Desperate-Clingy type, and You're Okay, but I Don't Know if I Could Handle Seriously Dating You Right Now.

While I appreciate all the attention I've been getting through the site, I don't think that's what I want. I've talked to some pretty stand up guys, and I enjoy our conversations and the brief times we've spent together, but the more and more I think about it, the less I find myself really wanting to date any of these people. I'm stuck. I'm hung up on two people. Both of which are out of my reach. On the one hand, I've been falling in love with an old flame and the fire is growing brighter. On the other hand, I've been in love with the other since the day I met him and I know I'll never be in his life like that.

I love both of them. I do. It's weird to say that I'm in love with two wonderful guys. I hope that when my missionary comes home that it will work out and we can have a happily ever after. It may not, but life is an adventure and that's what makes very day exciting.

So I'll continue to fight off the Creeps, the Desperate and Clingy, and the Men I Can't Handle Right Now and hope that I find someone to tide me over until November. Who knows. Maybe I'll meet someone that I fall in love with all over again.

Here it Comes Again.

I'm so sorry I've neglected this blog for so long. I promise that it.... well, I can't blame it on anyone but myself. I've been lazy. There's been so much that I could have written about or mad comments on, but I've just neglected it.

Let's just start with the fact that I've got a lot to say and I just don't know how to say a lot of it. I've done a lot lately, I've seen a lot of things that made me... well for a lack of a better word, pissed.

I've had to close my store and then launch myself into a new one and boy howdy is this going to be a new experience. I've got to take some time to get used to it, but I'm sure I'll catch on at some point.

I've also learned a lot recently about the value of friendship. There are only a few people you can count on in your life, and first of all, that's family. Then there are the select few people that you can trust beyond that. I feel like I'm the kind of person that opens up really easily to people because I don't like feeling alone and the best way for me to do that is to make friends wherever I'm at. It's got me into a bit of trouble here and there with the people I chose to involve myself with, but what's life without a few mistakes? Friends come and go, and there are those people that you think are going to be around for a long time but something happens and you lose them along the way.

Friends are important, and if you choose to have a lot of them like I did, you've got to be prepared to steel yourself against loss. You can't take it personally, unless of course you know that the loss of your friendship was directly related to your own personal actions. Then, it's pretty much your fault no matter which way you look at it. I've had a few friendships crumble like that, but I'm better for it.

There are also people that you thought you would never end up being friends with, and you click with them better than you click with the people you gravitated to in the first place. Odd, I know, but it happens. I can honestly say that I've been blessed to meet new friends ever since I moved into my new apartment. These guys are awesome, and I know that they were sent into my life for a reason.



Aaaannd now we get into the less mushy friendship stuff and into something else that's been on my mind lately. The toll that stress takes on your personal life. I've been working a lot lately, and it really took a toll on my personal happiness and my grades. Boy were those a nightmare. A lot of it had to do with drama in my personal life as well, but with my store closing this week and my starting a new job, I'm wishing I had just taken a weekend off and had some time to just sit and do nothing. I don't work full time, so I suppose I don't have as much to complain about, but I'm still pooped. My body aches, I'm always tired, and my allergies are just making it worse. I advise all of those that can take some time off every now and then to do so. It is important! I'm wishing that I could do that. As a manager, it makes that a little harder for me, but hey, I'm going to try!

I've got lots to say, but I just got asked to come into work earlier, so I've got to go!

What Makes You Beautiful

I am so sorry I haven't written anything for so long! Life got really complicated and I just haven't had time. False, I've had plenty of time, but nothing constructive to write. 

But today, I want to talk about something a little more serious. 

As I hope most of you know, I'm competing in the Miss Orem Scholarship Pageant at the end of April, and as such, I've had a lot to do. The most important and time consuming portion of this process has been the development of my platform. At first it was really hard for me to come up with something because I had so many ideas and wanted to do so much. It was hard up until the loss of Sidney Bruning. I can't say that I know why she chose to end her life, but I hope it had nothing to do with what I ended up choosing for my platform. It is called Be Yourself; Everyone Else is Taken. I have seen so many girls and boys take their lives, or develop eating disorders etc. because of low self-esteem. In doing some research for my platform and trying to understand some of what drives young people to change themselves so extremely I narrowed it down to one thing: the word "beauty."

Beautiful—this word alone has the power to create confidence in any young woman, while the lack of this same word in a girl’s description of herself indicates a shattered self worth. Society’s ever changing definition of “beauty” has driven many girls to change themselves, often endangering their mental and physical health. What are the causes of low self esteem in girls? There are many things, but frightening statistics state that much of it has to do with a girl’s social setting in school and at home. An alarming 57% of girls report having a mother who criticizes their looks, making it difficult to feel confident and happy at school and work.

Each of us struggles with self esteem and confidence at some point in our lives, and it is in this critical moment of self-doubt that many choices—both good and bad—are made. There are sadly very few women (11%) in the world that can comfortably use the word “beautiful” to describe themselves. Self esteem and self image are tightly tied to happiness and confidence. 72% of girls feel very high pressure to be physically beautiful, and as such, will do whatever it takes to become that image of beauty that the media promotes. So often girls feel as if they need to change themselves to achieve this ideal “beauty” and because of their need to change, they lose themselves amongst the makeup and clothing and diets.

With this information I decided I needed to make a change. Each day I have made a goal to compliment at least ten people if not more throughout the day. Now I know that ten seems like a small number and it is, but sometimes I forget to do this. Anyway, the number isn't really the important part of this challenge I have given myself. The point is to make sure that everyone feels beautiful and confident. In the past when someone has complimented me, I feel invincible. Just yesterday while I was shopping several people told me that they loved my outfit, and an elderly woman told me I was stunning. There's nothing like the happiness and confidence that comes from the compliments of a complete stranger. So, I make sure to take the time and genuinely compliment people that I come across no matter where I am.

Doing this has made me a happier person all around. I've noticed that my attitude during the day has become so much better, and I'm able to smile longer, and the best part is that it's not fake! I know that change starts with one person, and I would hope that those I complimented not only feel great throughout the day, but take that compliment as an initiative to compliment another person.  

So my dear readers, take this challenge and apply it to yourself. You'll find that it's not only easier to see the beauty in everyone, but you can see the beauty in yourself. And remember, "There is inner beauty about a girl who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of anything she puts her mind to. There is beauty in the strength and determination of a girl who follows her own path, who isn't thrown off by any onbstacles along the way. There is inner beauty about a girl whose confidence comes from experiences, who knows she can fall, pick herself back up again, and carry on." 

 

Change Makes Us Stronger

Well, it's time for change. Again. I seem to do that a lot lately, but Oh well. What is life without a little change?

I recently moved into a new apartment (same complex of course, because I'm adventurous like that) for something new. I reached a point in a friendship where I felt like I was constantly walking on pins and needles. I don't know if it was just me looking to deeply into things, or if there really was something there, but be that as it may, I moved to save what we have left. I don't want to linger on the subject because what's the point in dwelling? Life is about moving forward and bettering yourself.

Which is exactly what I plan on doing.

I recently got to hang out with one of my new roommates and she's pretty darn cool. I got asked on a spontaneous date since their friend was dateless for this concert they were going to. I'm glad I went because I had so much fun! The concert was at The Velour in Provo and the band that we were all there to see is called Westward the Tide. They were awesome. It was one of those moments where you wished they were more than just a local band because you wanted to listen to their music all day long!

And let me say, Sierra has some very attractive friends.

But it was because of this brief encounter with this one guy in particular I seriously had to take a step back. I keep telling myself that I wanted to be better and all that jazz, but man alive, I haven't really thought about why until I met him.

He's great, for the brief moment that I knew him. And definitely not afraid to be himself, and I like that.

And here I was thinking that moving into this apartment was going to be a bad idea. I was wrong. I almost don't want Sierra to get married... I want to keep her there so I have a friend haha. I know, selfish, but oh well.

Well, we'll see how this goes, and I'm excited to see where this road takes me!

I Spy... Wait, Where's Your Car, Darling?

Anyone ever sat and wondered what possesses couples to do some of the things they do? I have. In fact, there has been one thing in particular that I've noticed lately. I've got this friend from out of state that moved down here for school and his girlfriend followed him out. Cute? Maybe, I dunno. I don't know her. We won't get into the weird feeling that I get that his girlfriend doesn't know we're friends... that's a story for another day. Can't say that I'll ever meet her. Don't really want to. Anyway, that's really got nothing to do with what this is about. So she followed him out. Yep. They're from the same state, same city, and therefore, they have the same license plate.

That wouldn't be a big deal if they didn't do the one thing I find so ridiculous. They park next to each other ALL THE TIME.  Sure, parking next to her car so your state tags can be "reunited" as he put it might be cute once. But every day? Really? That's just weird.

To me, I feel like this is a strange sort of manipulation. Maybe I'm just a cynic or whatever, but don't you trust your significant other? Why would you have to keep track of their car? It's not like you don't already spend every waking moment together anyway.

But it's not just them. I've noticed that other couples I'm aware of (whose cars I happen to know) are often seen parked directly next to, or very close to their significant other's car. Why? I don't see the need for you to point out further to people that you're together. Sure, people who don't know your car wouldn't find quarrel with this, but I do.

Try parking across the parking lot and see if they have a heart attack because they can't tell if you're home or not.

I dare you.

Effort? What's That?

Woah, woah, woah. Hold the phone. Pause the tape. Hold your horses. (Continue with cheesy cliches as long as you wish).

You mean to tell me that in order to write this paper, I had to have done the readings?

Yes, Alex. If you expect to succeed in this course, doing the homework is required. No more riding on coat tails. You  gotta work.

LE GASP!

How dare professors require that of me! I mean, I am me, after all! A genius! Very lazy, but a genius!

I struggled today for the first time in... well documented history to write an essay for a class. Normally I can sit down at my computer and come up with something brilliant in a matter of hours. This time though was a different story. I must first start by saying that I don't understand Postmodernism at all. The whole concept just kind of eludes me, and it doesn't help that there is no real solid example of what is postmodern. It's really all up to the reader. You would think that would make my job easier as a BS writer, but not this time! In fact, it made this one waaaaaay more difficult than it needed to be.

Fear not, the assignment was finished on time, but it still took me way longer than I was comfortable with.

It also made me think that it probably would have been loads easier, and far more substantial, if I had just done the readings in the first place.

Whooda thunk?

Oh well, guess that means I just have to start actually working in college. I've gone two years without needing to, but apparently those days are behind me.

You're Looking Particularly Hipster Today, Alex

Hipster.

Has this word become so integral in describing a particular person or an idea that we can't be original anymore?

Especially in fashion. I've noticed that people are all beginning to dress in a similar way which makes people like me (who dress in whatever they feel like that morning) look like slobs. Now, I'm not saying that I look like a slob. I think I dressed myself quite well today. Gray skinnies, black combat boots, a black canvas jacket and my lovely Captain America tank.

I think I look good. But hipster? Really? What defines a hipster? Seriously, it makes me wonder. Sometimes I want to be "hipster" because they dress pretty sharply. At least the men do. Hipster girls are a different story. Defining a hipster is hard because if you define them, they automatically lose their "hipsterness" because you've put them in a category with other people. If that's the case, then why do we even call people hipsters? Seriously, people can dress however they want because that's their own personal fashion choice. I don't need to be called hipster because of the way I dress, and neither should anyone else.

Oh, and you're not hipster if you're trying to dress like the others.

Hipster is in and of itself a stand-alone category and it can be whatever the person wants it to be.

So don't call me hipster. I'm just being me.

Here's how I feel about the hipster trend:





This is what's going to be on TV next. We're running low on ridiculous and scripted reality shows, right? UGH, don't even get me started on the stupidity that is reality television.

Cheers!

"Hey, baby you wanna?" No.

Let's talk about something that has been bothering me lately:

The need for men to treat women like nothing more than an object of desire. A sex toy. Property.

I mean you name it, and people have probably treated me like that, and I'm just curious as to why? I will admit that in the past, that was the image I put out. I wanted to be desired and wanted that kind of attention because I thought that was the only way to be close to someone. That was, and still is, after all what the media portrays as desirable. And men want that. But none of the right ones.

I've noticed lately that even as I started to clean up my appearance by wearing less revealing clothing and keeping myself out of situations or places where the men that want nothing more than to take some poor girl home and sleep with her only to forget about her in the morning. Does this somehow make you cool? Is it a point of pride around your friends in the same way that having your team win in the Superbowl is? I'm honestly curious. But anyway, back to my original point. I've noticed that even though I have made this change in my appearance, people still treat me like that. Everything about their manner of speech, or their interactions with me (either via text/Facebook or face to face conversation) always leave me wondering what I have done to make them think talking to me like that is okay.

Sure, I'm flirtatious by nature. I've always known that about myself, but people I've never met before always have something sexual to say about me. Do you talk like that around/to other girls? Do they give off a "hey I'm looking for a good time," vibe? Am I unwittingly doing the same?

But for real. Girls, don't put up with that. I'm getting sick and tired of it myself. We deserve respect, and if they refuse to give it, don't give them the time of day.

I'm not going to stand for the "how bout you and me go somewhere private," or "let's do such and such a thing, naked."Or just the looks that people give me when they say something sexual. Pisses. Me. Off. I don't know what I've done to make them think this, so if you have any ideas, or this happens to you, please tell me. I'm honestly curious.

What happened to the concept of monogamy?

If you really care about someone, you call them your friend, don't treat women like that. Same goes for girls. Don't treat men like they're a piece of meat. And don't let them treat you like that.

Respect yourself, and they will respect you.

If they don't, kick them to the curb.

Quickly.

Baby Steps

I'm terribly sorry for not posting for so long. I was going to post on Valentine's Day, but didn't because I knew the whole post would have just been anger at the couple world and all the stupid things they have to do for each other. So today, I want to write a post dedicated to all those single girls out there.


The other day I had a moment with friends (a really long moment) where there was lot of talk about being comfortable in your own skin. I can't say that I'm preaching to you, because that's not at all what I'm doing. I struggle with this same thing just as much as anyone else does. In fact, I think that this is more for myself, than anyone else. Sometimes it's just easier to rehash things again just to sink in the point.

While I was hanging out with these guys we got onto the topic of conversation of my ex. I don't think I can technically call him an ex since we never actually dated. We just hung out and shared a mutual interest in each other. So anyway, enough of that. They told me that he was no good for me, and I got to feeling sorry for myself and then one of them stopped strumming at the guitar and looked up at me.

"Are you happy being single?" He asked.

It made me stop and pause. Was I? 

I should be able to say yes. That's what I want to say. But truth is, I don't think that at times I'm perfectly comfortable with being single. There are times where it's the best thing in the world because I can do whatever I want and not have to think about another person. Now I'm not saying I'm going to go out and let it all hang loose and do whatever floats my boat. No, that's not it. I'm just saying that without concern for someone else you can travel, you can enjoy things one moment at a time.

There's something though, and I know it nags at all of us (single folk), about being that one person who seems not to have anyone that cares.

False!

And that's exactly the point these guys were trying to make to me.

You always have someone there that cares for you. You're never alone. And until you're happy with just you, you can't be happy with someone else.

So, I'm making a promise to myself, that I hope all of you can do the same, that I'm going to be happy with myself. No matter how hard it may be, or how lonely I might feel. I'm going to push through because one day, I'll find the person I'm meant to be with forever.

Baby steps.

Green, the Color of Envious Men... Women too.

Jealousy. The Little Green Monster. Envy.

And many more.

It's a feeling that grows within me in the days preceding Valentine's day. Or rather, Single's Awareness Day. I haven't ever really enjoyed this holiday, and that's not because I just haven't had anyone to share it with, but because of those who do have someone that need to make it painfully obvious that they're not single. I know I can't let that bother me, just because I have no one to hang out with on V-Day (which isn't going to be true tomorrow. I'm hanging out with Amber!! I'm so excited) but again, those people that have someone that make it obvious.

Then there's the overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. And again, jealousy. And I guess it's not just the fact that I'm jealous of the couples, but I start to get jealous of everything. So and so talked to him. So and so called her. So and so did this, or that etc.

And for what? I mean, what's the point of this feeling anyway? What good do for us anyway? It makes us grumpy and sad and beat ourselves up. For something so stupid as a boy.

Boys suck.

They're really the root of all problems. And you thought Pandora had something to do with the evils in the world. WRONG. It was all because of men.

I hate this feeling. Now excuse me while I battle it.

Mullets Make Girls Cry

Mullets.

What makes men think they're okay?

I don't understand why men think they're so cool if they have an ugly tuft of hair growing out of the back of their head. The mullet should have been left in the 80s. Strike that. Mullets should never have existed. Period. They're nasty! And dear Miss Katy and I concur that the mullet is the worst hair style any guy could ever sport.

Please, they look greasy and unkempt if your hair is straight, and if your hair is curly, it looks like a rat crawled up your neck and made a nest there. No one wants to run their fingers through that ugly mess! The mullets are just as bad a plague as the leggings.

Most of the time they can't even do the short part of the cut right. Not that a mullet should be done at all, but still. If you're going to do it, get that part right at least. Please? I don't understand why people still think they're cool. I mean I know there are still people in the South that don't know the Civil War has ended, and therefore the people who still sport mullets must think they're some sort of badass and therefore the coolest thing that walks God's green Earth with that thing.

Please, for the love of all things holy. Curing the Mullet Disease is really quite simple. In fact, if you're suffering from this disease, I can cure you! I've got scissors!!

No One Wants to Talk to You. Stare at Beckham.

I almost needed to change my background today from this:

To this:




That pretty much sums up my day. I told myself that I wasn't going to text anyone just to see if I actually had people who wanted my attention. Turns out the answer is no. The only text I got all day was from Summer asking when our flash fiction assignment was due. That's it. And it was so hard not to text anyone. It was one of those times when you want to text that guy because you want a reason to smile at your phone when you pick it up. Well, besides smiling every time you see the handsome David Beckham... But, such is life I suppose. I can't take it as a reflection on who wants to talk to me, but still. It's a little sad that I don't have anyone to talk to unless I initiate the conversation.

So, perhaps I'll just fall off the planet for a while unless someone texts me first. I doubt I'll be able to do that, but I'll try it.

Judgement of Happy Valley

Happy Valley.

The Judgiest place on Earth.

Think I'm lying?

Today I decided to conduct a social experiment in my dress just to see the reactions I  got from people at work. Let me tell you, those reactions were priceless. I didn't think that people were as judgmental as they actually are down here until you test that power of judgment.

How did I do this?

I put on black fishnets, a short skirt and combat boots.

Boooooooooooy howdy were the looks nasty!

I didn't let it bother me because I knew that this was all for the express purpose of recounting my day for all my readers. I also laugh at the difference of the people I worked with and their reactions as opposed to the reactions of the customers and other individuals in the mall. My coworkers all commented on how fantastic I looked, and that my outfit was super cute/ sexy. I felt fantastic, and I think I looked fantastic.

The looks that "outsiders" gave me were another story. I saw it every time I walked passed someone. The way they met my eye and gave me a long once over, eyebrow raised and lips pursed. Every single time this happened I couldn't help but smile to myself. Most of the looks were the same, but there were a few looks that made me giggle on the inside.

One woman came into the store with her husband and young child and asked if we had any pencil skirts. At the time I had been standing behind a table fixing sweaters, and when I stepped out from behind it, her eyes grew as wide as golf balls and her jaw fell slightly agape. Composing herself, she cleared her throat and followed me back as I lead her to the wall where we had our pencil skirts. She thanked me and I left, but when I turned around I found her staring openly while whispering to her husband.

Who would have thought that people would judge so harshly? It was really ridiculous to me. But hey, it made for an entertaining observation.

I suggest everyone try something like this one day, and then you can understand just how it feels.

After the Storm comes the Sun

Life is such a fleeting thing, and it's not until you lose someone you never thought you would lose that this really hits you.

A friend of mine took her life yesterday. I can't say we were close, but it still hit me really hard. I put myself in the shoes of her older sister, and the flood of feelings that hit me were really strong. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my younger sister like that. I would be absolutely crushed and unable to function. I don't know what I would do. Anger, sadness, and an emptiness would fill me. 

The rise in teen suicide these days frightens me.

Has life really become so awful that you can't just push on? I am no stranger to grief, a friend to sorrow, and a companion with misery, but still, I can see the light beyond the skyline. Life gets hard, and sometimes it looks like it's never going to get better, but is suicide really the only option? What is so incurable in life that makes it unworthy of living?

I suppose I might just be bitter about the whole thing because of those thoughts.

But this lead me to a choice about my platform for the scholarship pageant I am competing in. I want to somehow incorporate realizing one's true beauty in the prevention of teen suicide. Right now that's really broad, but I've got some time to figure things out. I think it's an important topic and issue in the lives of the people of my city right now.

Life is beautiful, and the sun shines brightest after the harshest storm.

The Legging Epidemic

Fashion.

For some, their entire life and wardrobe revolve around it. For others, you can only sit and wish that they cared just a little bit more. As someone who works in retail  and (hopefully) has a good handle on what works and what does not, I'm here to offer a little advice.

First thing's first. Ladies, if you're going to wear leggings as pants, may I offer some advice on when it's appropriate to do so? I'm not saying you can't wear leggings, because in all honesty, there are days when I really don't want to wear pants of the denim variation. Leggings at that point just seem more comfortable. BUT! I am consciously aware of the societal rules when choosing to wear them. Here's a breakdown of the questions you should ask yourself when thinking about wearing leggings.

1. Does this shirt cover my butt?
1. Yes: You may consider wearing a pair of leggings with it.
2. No: Find a real pair of pants, or a different shirt.
2. Does this shirt cover my crotch?
1. Yes: As long as your front and back are fully covered, you may wear a pair of leggings with this shirt.
2. No: No one wants to see your camel to, honey. Find a different shirt, or wear real pants.
3. Will anyone be able to see my underwear if this shirt is a little short?
1. Yes: For the love of all things holy, please do not wear patterned or lace underwear because that's not the attention you want. Make it black (or whatever color your leggings are) underwear. Don't have matching panties? No problem. Wear a thong. No underwear lines that way.
2. No: Congrats! You've chosen correctly and can go on your merry way!

I can't tell you how many girls I saw today twitching around campus wearing tight t-shirts and leggings. Most of them understand the underwear rule, but others that simply choose to ignore this rule (and wearing underwear completely) are in need of some serious help. And longer shirts. I don't need to see your camel toe.

Moving past the legging epidemic and onto a more grotesque problem. Dressing for your body type. This means one thing for us slightly curvier girls: Don't wear skin tight tops. They only make you look bigger! Now, I know people are going to think that I am being rude or insensitive, but that's not true at all. I am one of those curvier girls, and I will admit that for a while I wore the skin tight clothing. And then I complained all the time that I was fat. Well, that's because I was making it obvious that I was overweight. Then I started dressing for my curves, and it was a night and day difference. I'm not telling you to wear clothes that are going to make you look like a box, but try and find more flow-y or loose fitting clothing. Find something that will give you a waist but not cut you in half. And yes, I know that skinny jeans are really popular (and I wear them all the time) but sometimes you need to seriously consider whether or not you should wear them. Sometimes it's not the best option. BUT! A wonderful solution to those things we love to hate called "love handles" has been brought back to the fashion world. High-waisted jeans. Try a pair.

Now men, don't think you were going to get of easy here. I've got some things to say about your fashion choices too!

First, please please wear your pants around your hips. That's why they're there. I don't need to wonder how your sagging pants are still clinging to your body instead of sending you flailing to the floor like they should. And just because you're wearing an obnoxiously long over-sized box t-shirt that comes to your knees that you suddenly have permission to wear your pants below the hemline. That's just sad. You make it hard for me not to walk up to you and ask: "So, do you ever consider just omitting the pants and wearing only the shirt? I mean, your pants are doing nothing more than keeping your ankles warm, right?" Also, you just look like a douche.

Second, if you feel the need to wear a tank top, wear a tank top. Not a t-shirt with one stitch at the shoulder and a second at the hem. Again, you just look like a douche. If you still think you're cool enough to wear these sad excuses for clothing, you better look like Chris Hemsworth under that flap of material, and if you do, just forgo the shirt entirely. I appreciate a good looking half-naked man every now and then.

I, and I'm sure every other female out there, enjoy a man that takes care of himself, and cares (even in the slightest) about what he wears each day. None of this basketball shorts and a t-shirt every single day. That's like women wearing sweats made for men and a v-neck every day. Not attractive. Also, it makes you look like a douche and a player. If that's what you're going for, fine. Just leave me out of the equation. Thanks.

Gut Spilling and Radio Silence

Radio silence.

That's something that no girl wants to see/hear when admitting something. Like, oh hey, I find it rather hard to talk to you because you're attractive and I'm rather intimidated by your presence.

And then the silence.

Now, many people wouldn't see me as the kind of person that has a problem talking to attractive men. And honestly, I can talk to as many attractive men as I want, until that person actually means something. When I have become friends with the guy, it gets a lot harder to have a conversation with them. At least until a more comfortable relationship has been formed, I get soooooooo nervous around them. Just the other day I was asked by a guy that I find rather attractive why I never talked to him in person. So I told him like it is. I'm the kind of girl that says it like it is. If I find you attractive, you'll know. If I find you annoying, you'll know.

So when it came time for a response, nothing came. I think I literally stopped breathing for a moment.

And then a subject change.

Is it really so hard to tell me what you think of that statement?

I mean eventually he came around to it, but even then, the answer wasn't really one that made sense to me. Honestly, it took a lot of guts for me to say what I did, please don't just leave me hanging. That makes me feel as if I'm in the wrong somehow.

I know that I'm just over thinking the whole thing, but I'm sure I'm not the only one that ever feels this way.

Thoughts?

Couples, Cars, and Wolf-men

Sometimes I get this obsessive need to express my opinions about life and people to someone but I know that if I were to do such a thing, the chosen individual would stop listening because the thoughts would spew on forever. It gets frightening sometimes, the thoughts that plague my mind. Diseased as my thoughts are, I find hem valid reflections of our society; mostly.

So, while I have the undivided attention of the computer screen, and undoubtedly the attention of my classmates sitting around me due to the clacking of my fingers across the keyboard, let us begin.

First, let me just start by stating that often times I may look eternally pissed off and you may think that my dour stare is a reflection of my feelings toward you, but I assure you that more often than not, my scowl is subconscious. Apparently my face adopted the look as a reflection of my views on society. I mean seriously, people these days are ridiculous. I'm not saying I'm exempt from this category, because trust me, I do some stupid stuff sometimes, but for the most part, I try not to be cliche.

Now, onto the subject of people. Why do couples find it necessary to take up the entire staircase and make it virtually impossible to pass innocently by to make it to class just so they can hold hands. I mean seriously people! I'm already sick and tired of the fact that you people have to make it public knowledge that you are indeed taken, but show some courtesy if you insist on holding hands and walk single file! You stretch, you've got joints and rotator cuffs to enable your arm to extend behind you. If you're wearing a puffy coat, whose problem is that? Certainly not mine, so please, let your girlfriend walk in front of you, because heaven forbid she's behind you. You might lose her if she's not within your sights! Really, if you're going to walk hand in hand down the stairs, and you feel the overwhelming desire to walk side-by-side move aside for those of us that must get somewhere on time.

Also, I've noticed that attractive men tend to travel in packs. Like wolves. I find wolves to be a handsome and majestic creature. Like attractive men. Well, I was at work yesterday and as I was walking out, I ran into this guy (literally, I was texting and walking. It's just as dangerous as drinking and driving) and he complimented me on my dress and my hair. Flattered, I struck up a conversation with him as we walked, and he told me he was meeting up with a bunch of his friends in the food court. Perfect! My car was on that end anyway, so I continued to converse with him until we reached his friends. A pack of attractive men. OOOOOOOHHHHH yes. But alas! Handsome sir that had talked with me for so long reached the group and slung his arm around a blonde blue-eyed skinny little hipster brat and my world came to a screeching halt. They were all with girls. Hipster chicks. Why is it that handsome men such as he always have that hipster girlfriend? For real people. Can't you just date girls like me? I'm not hipster, and I'm not skinny. Definitely not blonde, but I'm still just as fun! In fact, if you will allow me to be quite narcissistic for a moment I'm probably a lot more fun than those little girls. Probably have more of a personality too.

Moving away from the subject of how woefully single I am and onto the subject of cars. Specifically men that work in mechanic shops. I know what I'm talking about when I come in looking for parts for my car. I'm not stupid. And don't you think that just because I'm a girl I don't know anything about cars or what my car needs. Sure, there are moments where I learn something I didn't know, but when I come in looking for something, it's because I know I need it. Guys, please don't be offended if I know more about my car than you do. I like cars. I really like cars. Don't treat me like I'm stupid, don't ask me stupid questions. Do what I tell you and we can be friends. Thanks.

For now, I think that's enough for you poor invisible readers. I know no one reads this blog, but, I write anyway.

Humans

I've decided that I need to start watching people in a non-creepy way. I think it will be helpful as I start to develop characters, but it's also going to be a source of entertainment for me. I mean honestly, I've only been sitting in my class for twenty minutes and I kid you not, the guy in the row in front of me has been eying the girl next to him like she's a piece of meat.

If you want to talk to her, talk to her for heaven's sake! Don't just sit there and stare like a creep. It's been highly entertaining to watch. It's not just a quick glance every now and then either. It's full on stares for minutes at a time. I think the only reason she hasn't noticed yet is because she's shopping online. I almost want to tell her, but that would ruin my fun. Oh well.

Anyway, that's really all I have to say at this time. Next time I observe something funny in human nature, I'll document it.


Cheers!

Friendly Competition?

Sometimes I hate being a girl. Not in the way that you're all probably thinking right now. No. That sucks too, but that's not unbearable. What is unbearable is the fact that girls can't just be friends with each  other. It's  impossible. Ask any girl out there and they'll say the same thing. We can't just be friends with other girls because no matter what, there will always be something about that one other girl that you just crave. Whether it's their gorgeous locks, their looks, or their eyes, smile, etc.

I had a rough time the other night with this. I mean my best friend (and roommate) and I hardly ever have the issue of being interested in the same guys. I don't think we've had this problem since Sean. Anyway, there's a few guys these days that she and I are both mutually interested in. At first, I wasn't interested in one of them because I knew he was interested in one of my roommates and I thought they would be cute together so I just stayed out of it. Then she told me she wasn't interested in him and that's when Katy stepped in. She had always thought he was cute, and I knew she was interested, so again, I stayed away. I mean, I can be courteous about things like this when it doesn't concern me, but the instance I start to become interested, that's when things go south.

Katy informed me the other night that I have this awful tendency to say negative things about the girls I'm competing with. Yes, I use the word competing purposefully. It's a competition, and that's why girls can't just be friends. We're constantly in competition with one another because of guys. Another reason why men ruin the lives of women.

Worst part of this whole thing?

I want to win. He's this fabulous guy, super spiritual, funny, and really good looking. I was having a bad day yesterday and had sent him a text earlier that day and when he responded things were finally catching up to me. That was when he offered to come give me a hug. He and I just sat and he listened to me cry out my problems. He made me feel better about what was happening, and helped me laugh. I love it when a guy can do that. When he stood to leave he gave me another hug, and there was a moment when as he was pulling away it was almost as if he were pausing to do something. I didn't know if he was just letting me go, and I'm over thinking the whole thing (which is probably the case) or he was actually going to do something and I messed it up somehow.

Who knows. Hopefully things go well, and hopefully I can get over this competition thing. I doubt it but I'll try. I just don't want to put him in the position where he has to choose, or make Katy or I feel bad  because he did (might) choose one of us over the other.

Wish us luck.

I know

So, I know no one reads this, which is fine. I just wanted to share how incredible the power of prayer is. I had been feeling rather down and lonely yesterday despite the company I had and the people I was around. So, yesterday when I went to bed, I knelt to pray and just kinda started to pour my heart out. The tears were free flowing down my face and I had no control over them. But, I felt at peace. For the first time in a long time I felt the Spirit. I can't even begin to express just how much I missed that feeling of the constant companionship of the Spirit. It's amazing the difference it makes in our lives to have had it and lost it, and the craving I have for it once more.

I don't think I've ever prayed as long or as hard, or as informally as I did. I think the best part of it was it felt like a conversation to me, and that's what it should be. A long distance phone call to my Heavenly Father who loves me, and just wants to hear what I have going on in my life. I know He knows, but He still wants to hear about it. Because if we don't ask, he can't help. I can't wait to get back  to a place that I want to be, and the person I know I can be.

Oh Averice. How you pain me.

I have a problem. I was feeling rather lonely the other night, so you want to know what I did to make myself feel better?

Went online shopping for things I knew I could never have. At least not currently.

First it was the puppies on KSL. Yes, I spent two hours looking at adorable puppies on KSL and wishing I could buy one. Well, wishing I had the money to buy one, and then buying one. There were so many adorable little pups on there! I absolutely died with I came across a Maltese/ Rat Terrier mix. SHE WAS SO CUTE. I think I screamed at the screen for a good minute or two. Katy was concerned for me. I mean, I was looking at puppies and gushing over how absolutely adorable they were for two hours. It also strengthened my resolve to have a puppy first when I get married. I want that to be our first child because if we can't take care of a dog, we can't take care of a baby. Plus I just want a dog. I miss my puppy (who definitely isn't a puppy anymore.) when she isn't around-- which is all the time. Dogs just make me happy. Just about as happy as the next item I went shopping for.

Cars.

Not just any cars.

Muscle cars.

But, they weren't just any old classic either. I have two classics that I would absolutely die to own either of them. The first has been my longtime dream and that is a 1973 Dodge Charger Rallye Edition. I found the perfect one, it's black with the white leather interior I want, manual trans and factory air and heating. She was gorgeous!! She was only going to cost me $18,900 too. I found a `73 Charger that wasn't the Rallye edition for a more manageable price at $12,000 though. She wasn't as pretty, needed some body work to get her where I want her. A new paint job is a must. I'm sorry but I refuse to drive a white car. If I'm going to have my classic, she's going to be sleek and black.

The next car is a 1967 Chevrolet Impala and oh boy is she beautiful. Now, I know that anyone who looks up this car is going to be all, well Alex you only want this car because Dean from Supernatural drives it. Correct in one aspect, but completely wrong in another. I just want a classic muscle car, and so far, those (besides the SS Camaro from `66) are the only ones that I reaaaaaaaally want. Anyway, this beauty was in pristine condition and had most of the original parts. She's in a dealership, which means she's been taken care of. That's a plus! She was yellow, and an ugly yellow at that. Definitely repainting that one.

And then I spent all afternoon after getting home from church shopping for cars.

I don't have a problem.

I can stop any time I want.

Dancing, Pixie Dust and Neverland

Well, since I said I was going to try and keep up on this blog, I figured that since it's the new year and what not I should probably make good on that commitment. It does help that I got a new computer for Christmas, so the access to the internet is a lot more available. It's fantastic. Once again, I cried like a baby when I opened it. I literally didn't even get it out of the bubble wrap. Zenna was all over hers but I seriously couldn't move. It's something that I didn't think I  was going to get.

Christmas was good this year. Really good. I didn't go into Christmas expecting to get very much, especially since my relationship with my parents is so rocky right now; I was pleasantly surprised when I received not only a computer, but a printer as well. That's expensive! Mind you, I didn't get all that much for Christmas, but what I got, I absolutely love, and for the most part, desperately needed. Thanks, I don't think you guys will read this (in reference to my parents) but I just want to let you know again how grateful I am.

New Year's Eve was fantastic. I think it's the most fun I have ever had on that "holiday" this year. Dear Katy and I went to a YSA dance over in PG and met up with our friend from our building. He invited me to keep all the girls at bay, but we didn't do a very good job. Not that I was really trying either, but still. He kept them away by himself for the most part. Now, normally I don't enjoy myself at dances of that nature, but this one was so much fun! Katy and I ran into my best friend Kaylee (whom I hadn't seen for months). She cut her hair and it looks so cute! I remember when she used to have the longest hair I thought I would ever see. Then of course I met Katy, and all that changed. I envy the girls that have long hair. I want it. Bad. Anyway, Katy, Kaylee and I had soooooo much fun. We danced all night long, and then when the dance was over there were fireworks. It was so pretty! When Katy and I  got back to the apartment, Katy pulls into this parking space  and turns the music up really loud and just gets out of the car and starts dancing. So, Katy and I had our own dance party to Lady Gaga in the parking lot at the apartments. This guy pulled up in his truck and just sat in his car and watched us. I feel like he was waiting for us to stop dancing, but when we didn't (after probably a good minute or three) he just got out of his car and grumped his way to his building. The snow was falling in what I described as a flurry of pixie dust. It was so beautiful. I tried  to get a picture of it, but unfortunately my phone sucks like that.

If that's any way to start the New Year, I'm glad I did it with one of my best friends. I am excited to start a new year with a new me. New me starts tomorrow (physically anyway) when I dye my hair. I'm so excited. I have wanted to do this for a long time.

Well, cheers to anyone who actually reads this.