The Moment I Became THAT Guy

It's been a while. A long while. But you know what I realized? I never really have entertaining opinions about people and the way they interact with others until school rolls around each year. It's in these moments that I'm forced to sit in a small and enclosed space with several other people and in that moment I can observe them more closely than I would be able to otherwise. I say this as if I make it my job to observe people. I guess in a way, that is what I do. I'm a writer. We observe life around us and write about it. We capture it on paper and make it real. I take a moment, a snap shot, and blow it up so everyone can see. Even people who wish they hadn't.

This is all brought on because it's that time of year again. And no, I don't mean that time of year where people go bat shit crazy and run amok in the shopping malls tearing hair out and filing law suits because someone got hurt trying to purchase their snot nose child that latest and greatest piece of technology for Christmas. Don't even get me started on the amount of eight year olds that have better and more up to date technology than I do. Heck, I'm proud of myself because I just bought my first car. And it's older than most of the cars on the market right now. That's right folks, you guessed it. It's school time. It's that time of year where all the people who think they know better than everyone else gather in hordes and bombard the classrooms. Yes, I may be a senior, but I don't need to constantly point out that I have more knowledge than the majority of the people in the room. I hate people like that.

There was a moment in my class Tuesday night where I had to stop and think to myself... I think I may have just become that guy. I made a comment about someone's writing and their use of then and than... and then I regretted that decision. Out came the word vomit in explanation of the difference between the two words, and which should be used at what time. I became that kid. The very kid I want to punch in the face every time they speak up. The person who shouldn't meet me in a dark alley because I might actually hurt them. I'm just kidding. I'm not a completely terrible person. Just mostly terrible. It's why I'll end up alone. I've almost come to terms with that notion.

Doom and gloom aside. I became the monster under my bed there for a moment, and I solemnly swear from this time forward, that I shall never be that guy again. And that my blog posts will be entertaining. I think this makes me sound like a terrible person for what I'm about to write, but I'm going to say it anyway. I really like talking about all the obnoxious things that human beings do and say. Despite me judging the situation and the person, I have fun. It takes some of the stress out of my days, and I like that. So, here's to a happily judgmental semester.

Yes, Peasant, I'm adressing you.

Alright world, it’s been a while since I last wrote anything for you. I figured it was about time that I change that. I know, I always make excuses about how I never have time to write and my life has become exponentially busy (which is partially true) but I do, in truth, have time to write things. Maybe not long-winded, flowery description, of the events that unfolded during the day.

Well, quick catch up on the life of Alex. Since my last post in September I have started dating an amazing guy that I’m completely in love with. It’s been four months and I can say I’ve never been happier.  I quit my job at Motherhood Maternity to go and work for a company that is ten times more amazing than the other one. I’m now the Co-Manager at Journeys Kidz in the Orem mall. I know, I’m a mall rat. I may as well live in that place. I finally got some color back in my hair! And I love it. I’ve made amazing new friends and have been living an awesome life. 

Now, I’ll get to what I know you all read this blog for [which I know is definitely not a recap on my life, because let’s face it, you’re all in love with me for my humor (at least that’s what I tell myself)]. So, here it goes. One night when my boyfriend and I were roaming the mall in search of a dress for me for a New Year’s Eve party that he and I were attending I noticed something curious about a group of girls looking for dresses. I picked out a couple of dresses in a few different styles, and watched as these girls all pulled the exact same dresses out of the racks and gush about how cute they would all be if they showed up to the dance with the same dresses. They probably weren’t a day over fifteen, and that could be why there was this odd sort of excitement about matching each other to such an event. But not every girl was happy about matching her companions. 

You know the overwhelming popularity of the Grumpy Cat (I can’t believe I just had to capitalize that due to the feline’s viral-ness)? The face that so many internet memes are made of now? Yeah, this girl looked like the human version of Grumpy Cat. Brian and I had to try so hard not to laugh at her faces. She was clearly disgruntled about the whole matching situation, but due to the clear monarchy styled friendship she claimed to be a part of she had no say in anything.

The girls walked into the fitting rooms before me, and all I had to say once they left ear-shot was, “Peasants, you shall have the privilege of wearing royal garments for one evening, but nothing more, and never again.” Now, I thought I had said it just loud enough for my boyfriend to hear me, when I heard a giggle coming from behind me. Slowly, like the female lead in any horror movie, I turned my head—eyes wide and jaw slightly agape. An employee of the establishment had her face buried in a rack of dresses, shoulders bouncing as silent fits of laughter consumed her.After a prolonged moment of silent laughter, she removed her head from the articles of clothing, and with a beet red face, sighed.

"Thank you for saying that. I've been having such a hard time dealing with that girl and her clones." She said between tiny giggles. 

She walked away wiping tears from the corner of her eyes.

I brought her to tears with my wittiness. I felt proud. Like a mother. Nah, like a comedian. People are so dumb. This post was dumb, but you read it anyway. I promise I'll find more entertaining stories.